As you move forward through your career, finding a mentor can mean the difference between moving faster and farther or not advancing at the pace you want. Therefore, asking someone to become your mentor can be an important and daunting process. Whenever you are asking for guidance, it’s natural to feel a little uncomfortable. Discussing professional vulnerabilities as an adult can make you feel exposed. But taking these first steps below can help alleviate your qualms and make you feel more at ease with the asking process. And as January is National Mentoring Month, there is no time like the present to put these three tips into action!
First: Do your research to find a potential mentor. Look for someone who will not only be a role model for you professionally, but also a person who has a reputation for being both challenging and supportive. Now I know it is too simplistic to break the world up into two categories of people–those who will be supportive and helpful, and those who won’t. Nevertheless, it is much easier and proves to be a whole lot more successful if your “ask” is to a person whom you know has a reputation for being a willing and effective mentor. Remember, mentors don’t only have to come from your work setting, they can also be found within the professional organizations in which you are involved or by leveraging alumni connections. Not sure where to start? Join B Connect, a powerful networking and mentorship hub available exclusively to the Brandeis community.
Second: As part of your research to find a professional who can offer sound advice and become a role model, it is helpful if you also have a shared interest about which you can immediately connect. This might be sports, travel, art, cooking or even a favorite TV show. Mentoring bonding also gets reinforced when you find something that you can also offer to your potential mentor. We know that the most successful mentoring relationships are those that become mutually supportive and reinforcing. So if it means that you can be a sounding board to offer a different perspective on a challenge your potential mentor is facing, or you can suggest a social media site that they might benefit from, you will definitely strengthen your connection by reciprocating your mentor’s investment in you.
Third: Finally, don’t become discouraged if a person you ask to mentor you says they are too busy. This is a 24/7 world and time is at an enormous premium these days. Remember, if you clearly frame the mentoring parameters—how much time they will need to commit (normally a meeting once or twice a month, taking up to but not more than one hour of their time, and scheduled at their convenience) might make the request seem very doable. In some cases the mentoring could take as little time as a check-in phone call to get feedback on a new idea you have been formulating. But first sharing why you have selected this person to be your mentor, and letting them know what makes them your ideal aspirational role model, creates a natural and convincing “ask” and might go a long way toward yielding a positive “yes!”
Geri Brehm is Senior Associate Director of Career Advising and Mentoring at Brandeis International Business School. A version of this article originally appeared on her LinkedIn page, under the title “Three Steps to Putting you at Ease with Asking Someone to be your Mentor.”
